Why So Many Breakups?

Ever since I was in psychology, attachment styles have been one of the subjects that I was fascinated by. I really enjoyed the analyzing part of the subject where you criticized your own attachment style. However, this also revealed some disturbing things about my own habits. This week, I want to focus on our attachment styles. There are many styles, but I will focus on three different ones to give an idea of how we should be on the scale.

The attachment styles that I will be talking about are secure, anxious, and avoidant attachment styles. Anxious is when one becomes easily attached, and they are consistently overthinking and worried about their relationship. In an avoidant attachment style, the person is easily put off by associations. They try to avoid being a part of a relationship that requires “too much” of them. Finally, secure attachment is the healthy balance where they are not afraid of attachment. Still, they do not come up with unlogical conclusions, or they may overthink.

Personally, I am a little more anxious than I am secure. In the past few months, I have gotten a lot better. However, a couple of days ago, I had written down that I needed to stop worrying about others’ opinions. Still, I had a moment two days ago where I almost had a mental breakdown because I thought that a coworker had a wrong idea of me and my work. The next day, my anxiety was through the roof because of this incident. I started to read through my devotion for that day, and the name of the devotion was “Live no Lies.” The author described that there will be specific thoughts that will seem to “overpower” your mind with unsettledness. He stated, “that is from another power.” He referenced Romans 8:6-11, describing that God will quicken us when we are in Him. Not only did this open my eyes to the origin of my thoughts, but it exposed my anxious attachment to people. This is why I decided to talk about this today. We probably all need a reminder every once in a while about having a healthy attachment.

We are going to explore ideas on having a better attachment style. One of my professors showed me this article. It gave a very simplistic but credible guideline to having a better attachment style. Debra Campbell created this article, and she first describes that we must keep developing the elements that we are good at (Campbell). For example, I am very good at researching, writing, and music. Therefore, I should do my best to advance those skills so I can feel proud of myself, making myself feel “in my element.” Secondly, she suggests taking “measured risks” (Campbell). This develops patience and courage. In other words, get out of your comfort zone! I once heard that if you are comfortable where you are at, you are doing something wrong. Live life! Next, she suggests that we get physically strong. I personally have found this to be true. Anytime I work out consistently enough, I find that it boosts my confidence, and I know that I am taking care of myself. She then asks a challenging request. Campbell states that we must also improve how we think and talk about ourselves. Even though it is difficult because of our raising, Campbell knows that we must improve in this area. Finally, she suggests we become self-aware so we can understand our emotional and cognitive habits.

I hope that you found this article helpful; it certainly has helped me conduct myself in my everyday life. Here is one more suggestion that I have personally incorporated; STOP caring about others’ opinions of you. In reality, the only thing you should worry about is whether you are Christ-like or not.

Attachment Style Quiz

Here is an attachment style quiz I found! This will give you a better insight to how you conduct yourself in relationships and friendships alike!

Works Cited

Campbell, Debra. “How to Rewire Your Brain to Have a Secure Attachment Style.” Mindbodygreen, Mindbodygreen, 1 July 2021, https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-develop-a-secure-attachment-style.

Since I have been going to school at Northeastern State University in Broken Arrow, I

have had the opportunity to try out new coffee shops! So far, my favorite has to be Rise and Grind. However, I really enjoy Rattlesnake Cafe. This is a picture from their cafe, and their coffee is immaculate! I will list below some coffee shops that I have been to so far. Let me know if you have any suggestions for a busy college student!😁😊

- Rattlesnake Cafe (Love it, but it can be noisy)

- Rise and Grind (Probably the best vibes and coffee)

- Laurannae Baking Co (Extremely noisy, but it has really cute decor)

- All About Cha (My go-to! However, sometimes they are not that nice.)